Gul Mohars

After a restless night haunted by red flashes and judging voices, I woke up early to a young Sun and a grey dull room smelling sulphurous. I dragged myself to the terrace amidst clangs of chain up the steps- so burdened I was with thoughts. Alone I stood gazing listless around. Gul Mohars and trumpet trees stood sentry by the path below. A road-kill splattered red in the middle tarnished the otherwise serene visage. I took a deep sigh and leaned into the railing passing all my weight to it. Life felt heavy. My phone blinked and I felt a revulsion so strong I pushed the device away- no, I’m not looking at you today.

A cold breeze passed by with a little black bird sailing along. My eyes followed its trail, mind thankfully distracted even if for a while. Suddenly it stopped mid-air as if someone captured it in a photograph. The red Gul Mohar flowers shaken off by the breeze hovered in the air almost impossibly. Then color started bleaching away and in a final tug, outlines, shadows got whisked away. Everywhere I looked was just blank and white, empty.

It’ll go away if I stay still. It didn’t.

I worried about moving around, aware that I was on the terrace. What if I fall off the ledge?

I screamed aloud, manners be damned, but the sound seemed to travel to infinity intercepted by none.

Squatting down I wrapped my arms round my leg and closed my eyes rocking gently like I did when I was a kid, fervently wishing it all away. After what seemed like hours when I opened my eyes again, I was still in the void. Alone.

I tried to bang my head to feel at least pain over paranoia, to no avail. I wriggled like a snake, dropped my pants off and jumped, to heck with it all. The landscape remained unchanged.

A barrage of tears gushed down my cheeks. Someone pull me out of this I prayed. I just need something familiar. Give me back car honks and red traffic lights I detest. Never again will I complain about my job, my relationships, my failures just give it all back to me I whined.

This went on for quite long. Whatever was playing with me seemed to be in no hurry.

So I whined some more, I cried, I tried to strangle my neck- the heat I felt there like a snake tangled it tight.

Much later when tears ran dry, I sat down with my eyes turned inside. It looked like a drain. A giant slug dripping in black tar was crawling around gobbling all in its path. I tried to look away and ignore it but larger it grew until all was filled with it. My head was close to bursting, desperately seeking an outlet. I closed one nostril and forced the phlegm out the other. Like clouds they vanished as I vacuumed it out, just unbelievable!

With an empty mind I sat for what seemed like eons in peace. Instinctively, my fingers moved to my lips welcomed by kisses. Then they traveled down disappearing into my mouth followed by my arms. Inside nestled the heart beating steady with an energy so tender and warm. As I pulled my fingers out again, the tips glowed bright red. There was color again!

I drew with my fingers on the blank canvas before me- red Gul Mohar flowers filling all space with it. I added its companion tree blushing pink in Spring’s delight. Some morning dew peppered on green shoots with snails in spiral shells, girl I missed you this season. I never knew I could paint a picture so beautiful.

My cat Billu came to me brushing her head on my thighs. I pulled her onto my lap brushing her golden fur. Hmm, let’s get you a bath today 🙂

P.S. Featured image from Pixels.


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